he heart me

He did buy me a dinner, sent them at my house, 12 a.m. He said sorry for being late and he also tell me that he really tired. So I guess I really need to understand his situation, put aside my feeling coz I think this is the  part which is I need to give him space and not pressure him too much. Maybe yes I'm a bit emotional.. I don't know maybe yes maybe not, hope time will tell. As usual, I can't sleep, get this insomniac problem lately, been thinking a lot and so much undone matters which I have to complete it without me really not into it so it's kinda like had to forced myself to do it. Hope everything gonna be OK for me, really don't have any idea what ahead me,pfffttt. Later guys, Love ya!

decreasing....

Day by day, I felt like he doesn't deserve my love...but I love him. I don't know what to do. Sharing with you guys how glad am I to see his charming smile, spend time with him, not gonna happen tonight. I'm in the middle whether I should understand him that he had work to do tonight, maybe late..but I'm willing to wait..and he hurt my feeling when I receive a text from him just asking if I want him to buy me a dinner... why can't he just take me out for dinner? hmmm.. maybe to you it's just a small matter but to me, it's something that telling me he tired taking care of  me and everything and afraid to tell me coz he feels like I'm in his responsible now after Abah passed away, plus plus, he told me before that my mother also ask him to take care of me here. So, did he really take care of me because he really cared for me or just being responsible??

p/s: he maybe a good and kind in person, and high level of patient, but he did not know me. He don't know what is in my heart.. what I want from him.. why I being like this... I feel like I'm a TROUBLE to him, that's all. He won't admit that he get tired of all this. He never spill it out, our communication not good. Nyte peeps :(

sick & sad

Assalamualaikum, Hello everyone.. how's your day today? Hoping it would not be like min3..as you can read the title of my post,huhuu.. period cram really killing me and even I've been through this for every month, I never can hold the pain, and the pain killer are totally knocked out my head, damn!! feel so weak and really get my nerve, I lost all my strength to wake up. I don't like it, hate being in this state.

Despite having this pain, still, to see his charming smile, I am sure I will be back on feet immediately :))) Just in love with him, what can I say...But...well...regarding to my post yesterday,  we not working out so well lately, I mean maybe it's more like.. "ME" not in good feeling about "US".......it's complicated to say you know, even to myself it's been really confusing. I love him, He love me BUT... in the between of that feelings not so sweet as just two person in love. Oh goshh, why is so hard to be in love and be loved.

I try to share this confusion of mine with my friends and they said that I was thinking so much ahead and worried to much, hello!! of course I must think ahead before anything bad happen right? in current life now, everything must be clear, you cannot take any risk for your future.. I want happy future... if I'm not being worried and thinking so much further now then I'm scared that I will make mistake & ruin my future..  my mother love him, she said I should get easy a little bit to him, don't be so mean & serious all the time. Give him some space & understand him. Sometimes a guy don't like to be depressed, he had so much other thing to be think and worried as he will be the one who will take care of you.. SO, well, what my mother said is true & understandable. But doesn't mean he can take advantage on that... he keep doing the same mistake over and over again, hurt me, make me cry...and for sure I don't want to stand that for the whole of my life, so I just wanna be truthfully with myself and him, I cannot accept that, I cannot accept that he cannot take care of my heart from being hurt repeatedly and why I need to accept that if I can do something from now, that's why... I won't give up to make him see sense of what I feel. Other matters can be easily solve when our heart will be cherish with love that you deserve, that's what I want for my love.........

p/s: I try to set a music for this lovely blog, but seems it doesn't work out, the song not playing as you can't hear any song come out right? haha.. I'll try to solve that later, bye guys, love you all :)

Insensitive Man...

Hello guys, as promised, why suddenly I want to write again in this blog? hmm.. it's a sad reason actually.. this few month, me and my boyfie, we seems not working out. We fight, we hate, we good, we love, we fight  back, we hate, we good, we love....over and over again, we end up hurting each other...


I try to understand him in every situation, I've try very best I could... I'm so tired of being hurt and cry. When he makes me hurt, I'm not sure if he did it on purpose or he doesn't realize he hurt my feelings, sometimes, I just endure it by myself coz I'm tired of arguing with him. It's normal, we humans, we do mistake, but if you keep doing the mistake, it's not normal anymore..


So much about him that I don't understand anymore... I don't know who is he.. He changed a lot. When I told him that, he said that he never changed, he said that it's just in my mind. Why I'm saying he's changed? well..obviously....rarely text me, if he want to talk with me, he will give me a missed call and I need to call him back.. no more sweets and fancy words..or greetings..or talks..nothing. He still take care of me, means always help me with weekly routine and my loyal driver,hehe. But that's not all isn't it..?? what can I say here is....he is INSENSITIVE MAN. He think too simple & makes everything looks easy, it's so annoying me!!

He totally a changed man, I don't even know who is he anymore. I like 'he' the older one...then I love 'he' the older one...and now...who is he?? Give him back to me!! Waaa...Nothing I can do, hopeless. Even this blog never be his favorite anymore.. my boyfie get to know me through this precious blog. He use to love reading this blog. He loves watching pictures that I share in here..sometimes, he ask me or remind me.. 'When you gonna update your blog dear? I'm waiting.." and whenever we on the phone, he will ask if there anything he wanna knows more about what I blogged. Our conversation is the best I ever remember. I love his voice and he always make me smile with his jokes.. BUT....there's no more.. no more conversation.. no more long phone call and texting. Everything fade away. I wonder if the love is still there......

p/s: You can never teach a guy to love you the way you wanted to be loved. You have to wait for him to do it in his own way, in his own time, that's the saddest part being a girl. But you can never teach a girl to love the guy back the way she did before if she already grew tired and fed up understanding and waiting to be appreciated and loved the wat she deserves to be loved, that's the saddest part of being an insensitive man :(