very late 'UPDATE' [photo]

dear....

Salam...

dear precious..

someone said:: Good that you have fix it...

but does he know what is behind the 'it' word...??

but..nevermind..

Alhamdulillah..some part of my problems solved but not all

still struggling but not too struggling...

someone said:: you should not treat him like tht..he's not your cat!!

ouuchhh, so hurt..bleeding inside..

hoping she knew what she saying one day..

if she knew how hard am I..

if she knew how hurt am I..

if she knew how weak am I..

if she knew how trouble am I..

thought she understands me..

but I never blame her coz no one ever understand me more than myself

and I know she not totally mean it.. it just bcoz afraid of losing me..

someone said:: I will always be by your side, always.. like a firewall..anything or anyone wanna get access to you must deal with me first. I will protected you as long as I'm breathing..

he is the beautiful thing ever happens in my life..

until now, I still can't believe he found me..

a girl with a lot of problem..such a burdening girl..right??

he always there when I need him..even not needed, he always there..

he's so hold on tight that he loves me with all his heart..

I don't know how many time I lie him..

I don't know how many time I hurt him..

I don't know how many time I make him worried..

and I don't know how many time I make him cried..

as other guy, I think I already been dumped..

but he...

everytime I ask him why you are doing this to me??

the only words he can say is..

because I LOVE YOU..

I wanna get marriage with you and having a happy life with you..

that time I realized that I shouldn't hurt him anymore..

I should make him happy as he always created smiles on my face..

make me laugh..and yes..

he never fail make me smile..

to Ahmad Asyraf Merican bin Mohd Ibrahim Merican..

thanks for all your support all this while..

even I can't be the best for you..

but I always try to...

senyumlah ain.....

Senyumlah wahai ain
sudah kerap kau berduka
menangis megalirkan airmata
pedih menahan siksa

senyumlah ain sayang
dengan penuh ceria
mesra dan ikhlas
banyak hati akan senang
sahabat dan teman
dunia pun jadi terang

senyumlah dengan manis
agar hatiku suka
berbunga sentiasa
agar tidurku lena
dapatku pejamkan mata
sambil ku dakap peti kecilku

n.e.w

such a torny path i've been through since he's not in my life anymore,,,
make myself stronger & stronger
struggling,,,arguing,,,i'm so tired
but life must go on...enough for me when i'm not forgeting Him and i know He always by my side as He promise..O Allah,plz give me strength for everything i have decided..
no one knew even i make a wrong choice or wrong decision,but still..
i just can't be in silence mode forever,,action must be taken..
now or never
so i did it,,,and now i feel it,,,
hoping everything gonna be fine..insyaAllah,,
i always hold on to my trust, i will always SMILE even mu heart hurts and even i couldn't brighten up my own life, i will brighten up other's life...
it makes me feel so relieve when someone relieve & happy..
as in this life, we have to give and take
but i rather choose to give but not to take..
sometimes i feels like when i come to someone's life, i will change their life become more complicated with my absence...do i need to be alone??hmmm....
but now,,i'm trying to give myself a chance to be happy with my own choice,,
as i always pray to Him, and now i guess i already get the answer,,
thank you Allah,,plz guide me Allah..
i like a baby without You by my side...
i dun care wht people wanna say on what i've decide,
i made the choice here,okay?? not you,not them,not anyone...ME..
so i can't have it both ways when its too complicated for me to look..
it's okay if i'm being a jerk,,
there's just no way around.........

and now, i am appreciating someone in my life..
after i put him aside from my heart..
i never open my heart for him..
but he still love me sincerely without hoping i will accept him..it's enough for him if i am friend of him..
he's totally a good man..
never hurt me,,
if before i was thinking that be in silence, ignore everything..will solve my confusion & problems..
but with him, i learned that silence just gonna make you hanging, hanging and hanging..
you should face it..
than you can let go the old bond and reach the new one.....

you, YOU & U

you talk
you joke
you share
you great
you kind
you sweet
you funny
you awesome
you positive
you guide
you help
you never give up
you make me smile
you make me laugh
you honest
you sincere
you are doing everything
you try to understand
you show me something that I couldn't see before

I don't know what should I say
but......
I'm not comfortable