sick & sad

Assalamualaikum, Hello everyone.. how's your day today? Hoping it would not be like min3..as you can read the title of my post,huhuu.. period cram really killing me and even I've been through this for every month, I never can hold the pain, and the pain killer are totally knocked out my head, damn!! feel so weak and really get my nerve, I lost all my strength to wake up. I don't like it, hate being in this state.

Despite having this pain, still, to see his charming smile, I am sure I will be back on feet immediately :))) Just in love with him, what can I say...But...well...regarding to my post yesterday,  we not working out so well lately, I mean maybe it's more like.. "ME" not in good feeling about "US".......it's complicated to say you know, even to myself it's been really confusing. I love him, He love me BUT... in the between of that feelings not so sweet as just two person in love. Oh goshh, why is so hard to be in love and be loved.

I try to share this confusion of mine with my friends and they said that I was thinking so much ahead and worried to much, hello!! of course I must think ahead before anything bad happen right? in current life now, everything must be clear, you cannot take any risk for your future.. I want happy future... if I'm not being worried and thinking so much further now then I'm scared that I will make mistake & ruin my future..  my mother love him, she said I should get easy a little bit to him, don't be so mean & serious all the time. Give him some space & understand him. Sometimes a guy don't like to be depressed, he had so much other thing to be think and worried as he will be the one who will take care of you.. SO, well, what my mother said is true & understandable. But doesn't mean he can take advantage on that... he keep doing the same mistake over and over again, hurt me, make me cry...and for sure I don't want to stand that for the whole of my life, so I just wanna be truthfully with myself and him, I cannot accept that, I cannot accept that he cannot take care of my heart from being hurt repeatedly and why I need to accept that if I can do something from now, that's why... I won't give up to make him see sense of what I feel. Other matters can be easily solve when our heart will be cherish with love that you deserve, that's what I want for my love.........

p/s: I try to set a music for this lovely blog, but seems it doesn't work out, the song not playing as you can't hear any song come out right? haha.. I'll try to solve that later, bye guys, love you all :)

Insensitive Man...

Hello guys, as promised, why suddenly I want to write again in this blog? hmm.. it's a sad reason actually.. this few month, me and my boyfie, we seems not working out. We fight, we hate, we good, we love, we fight  back, we hate, we good, we love....over and over again, we end up hurting each other...


I try to understand him in every situation, I've try very best I could... I'm so tired of being hurt and cry. When he makes me hurt, I'm not sure if he did it on purpose or he doesn't realize he hurt my feelings, sometimes, I just endure it by myself coz I'm tired of arguing with him. It's normal, we humans, we do mistake, but if you keep doing the mistake, it's not normal anymore..


So much about him that I don't understand anymore... I don't know who is he.. He changed a lot. When I told him that, he said that he never changed, he said that it's just in my mind. Why I'm saying he's changed? well..obviously....rarely text me, if he want to talk with me, he will give me a missed call and I need to call him back.. no more sweets and fancy words..or greetings..or talks..nothing. He still take care of me, means always help me with weekly routine and my loyal driver,hehe. But that's not all isn't it..?? what can I say here is....he is INSENSITIVE MAN. He think too simple & makes everything looks easy, it's so annoying me!!

He totally a changed man, I don't even know who is he anymore. I like 'he' the older one...then I love 'he' the older one...and now...who is he?? Give him back to me!! Waaa...Nothing I can do, hopeless. Even this blog never be his favorite anymore.. my boyfie get to know me through this precious blog. He use to love reading this blog. He loves watching pictures that I share in here..sometimes, he ask me or remind me.. 'When you gonna update your blog dear? I'm waiting.." and whenever we on the phone, he will ask if there anything he wanna knows more about what I blogged. Our conversation is the best I ever remember. I love his voice and he always make me smile with his jokes.. BUT....there's no more.. no more conversation.. no more long phone call and texting. Everything fade away. I wonder if the love is still there......

p/s: You can never teach a guy to love you the way you wanted to be loved. You have to wait for him to do it in his own way, in his own time, that's the saddest part being a girl. But you can never teach a girl to love the guy back the way she did before if she already grew tired and fed up understanding and waiting to be appreciated and loved the wat she deserves to be loved, that's the saddest part of being an insensitive man :(

Hello everyone...

Assalamualaikum, it's been a long time I'm not updating this blog.. I miss spending my time sharing my story and uploading photo in here. Actually, lately, I keep flashback a lot about this blog, and that's why this morning I plan to write again & giving this blog new look, hope you guys like it. Simple & Sweet :)

Currently I undergoing my internship and will be end soon on 3rd August 2012, such a relieve & awesome. After 6 years being as a student, leaving hometown, far from my beloved family, now..it comes to an end, Alhamdulillah... feel grateful for this chance & experience. What's next?? Who knows... even for myself, honestly, no idea what will gonna happen next. I just wanna be close to  my family.. After Abah passed away few months ago, I couldn't bear myself thinking that I was far away from them, my mother never once forget Abah, even now, she's not sleeping in the room like they use to be, my mother said that she felt that Abah is still there near & close to her... can't believe Abah left us.. I really miss him, always miss him, how lovely he was and a caring father..  and guys...love your parents, appreciate them.. spend time with them while you can, trust me, losing a father.. really hurt, only Allah knows.

p/s: check out for my next post... why suddenly i want to write back..

Mencintaimu....

Aku sangka kan aku telah melupakanmu, tapi saat dan ketika ini aku sedar aku amat mencintaimu. Kau tidak pernah hilang dari hatiku walau sedikit. Kenangan bersamamu masih dalam ingatanku walaupun kian pudar tapi aku amat mencintaimu. Aku menyesal kerana melepaskanmu suatu ketika dahulu kerana aku terlalu ikutkan hati dan perasaanku pada saat itu. Kini kau semakin jauh dariku.. Hatimu telah dimiliki oleh insan lain yang menggantikan tempat aku dulu di hatimu. Aku sedar, kau telah buang aku dari hidupmu sejauh-jauhnya demi insan yang kau sayang sekarang. Hanya Allah yang tahu perasaan aku sekarang. Hanya pada Allah jua aku tempah aku mengadu dan meluahkan segalanya. Ya Allah, aku sayang dia. Kalau dia jodoh aku, dekatkanlah hati kami Ya Allah.. dan kalau dia bukan jodoh aku, jauhkanlah hati aku dari mengingati dia Ya Allah...